A high school crush

I have no idea how we met or even how we started talking to one another. All I remember is the days spent texting and using msn messenger for hours and hours on end just having stupid conversations.

 I remember laughing and crying, and the feelings of beginning to care for you more and more. I denied there were feelings, I continued on with the persona of 'just friends' trying to believe every ounce of it knowing he had a girlfriend who he cared for.

I should have known this wasn't true the time I found that skull key lanyard and bought it for him as a gift. I should have realized these feelings when I couldn't put the phone down in case he had texted, even when I was supposed to be spending time with friends.

Honestly you were different from most boys. You had long wavy jet black hair, dark eyes, pale skin, and always wore dark clothes and tight skinny jeans. Your laugh was contagious and I loved it when I could make your day just a little happier. All the hurts and pains you shared with me but brushed them off as normal, made me think it was my personal duty to bring you as much happiness as possible.

I realized your girlfriend went to our school. I took a look at her one day, she was shorter than I, with died blonde hair, honey coloured eyes and glasses. I heard she was in a band just like how you always wanted to be. I talked to my friend about her and probably trying to make me feel better she said there was nothing so amazing about her, in fact she had a nose that looked like a dick. We laughed about 'dick nose' and taunted her behind her back.

It was all in a futile attempt to diminish her, and try to raise my own self confidence and worth up. In reality I was jealous of her and how she held your affections the way I so desperately wanted you to do with me.

Honestly in all my futile attempts to have you pay attention to me, in raging at you over stupid jealousy issues, and hurting you in the process I want to say I am sorry, and I am glad that we went our separate ways.

I will always keep our time together a memory, and remember the lessons I learned from it so I will not repeat the same mistakes again.


- Side note- I realize my grammar is not always correct so please ignore it.